


Check mate

by Girlwhohatespeople



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Brotherly Love, Chess, Closeted Character, Heartbreak, High school crushes, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Ray is a sweetheart, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:01:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26820301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girlwhohatespeople/pseuds/Girlwhohatespeople
Summary: Mikey is in his sophomore year when the boy he's been sleeping with, Pete, gets his heart broken. At the same time his brother, Gerard, manages to get him signed up for the chess club under the lead of Ray, a classic high school nerd with a secret.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Ray Toro/Mikey Way
Comments: 45
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, hi, it's me, Girlwhohatespeople.  
> This is my first fic and English is not my first language so please be kind with me :) I hope you enjoy this (hopefully) tragically beautiful Rikey fiction. A lot of aspects I just took from my own life so writing this is kinda therapeutic to me.
> 
> Constructive criticism is encouraged! 
> 
> Girlwhohatespeople <3

Summer holidays were the best invention since like the invention of great inventions.

At least for Mikey Way. But like all great things they unfortunately didn´t last. Which was why Mikey was pulled from his sleep rather harshly by his alarm clock on his first day of Sophomore year.

The batman alarm clock he had gotten for his sixth birthday still caught Mikey by surprise with the sheer volume with which it emitted its shrill sound. His fingers stretched, basically by themselves, from the cave he had built in his sheets during his sleep to turn the alarm off.

Mikey groaned when he threw his blankets off onto the floor. He then sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes and the side of his face where some drool had dried. “Thought drooling was Gee´s thing,” he thought grumpily, “or a baby´s”.

He them stood up and stretched, causing the bones in his back to crack. Blindly, he walked over to his desk where his glasses rested. The moment the world became clear in front of his eyes, his brother burst into his room--of course without even knocking.

“Hey, watcha think you´re doing? I could´ve been doing stuff!”, in his outrage Mikey didn´t think about keeping his voice low which promptly resulted in his mother shouting up the stairs: “Micheal, keep the fucking screaming down in the mornin´!” 

“Jesus Christ…,” she added like some sort of afterthought.

In the meantime Gerard had successfully pulled out every T-Shirt and hoodie Mikey owned and thrown them into a heap on the floor next to his discarded blankets. For someone who had a naturally expressionless face, Mikey had to work pretty hard this time to not show the absolute horrification that he was feeling.

“I need a shirt.” Gerard´s usually very nasal voice sounded kinda amplified this morning but at the same time muffled from its owner being inside a clothes-mountain from the waist up.

“Doesn´t Ma buy you shirts? Should I call CPS on her?”, Mikey asked with his left eyebrow pulled up. Unfortunately, the effect was minimized by the fact that Gerard wasn´t able to see him.

“Yeah she does,” the whole heap moved as Gerard dug his way through it. Poor people of Mikey´s-clothes-mountain. Their home was being destroyed by a supersized mole. “But they´re not clean. I need clean clothes for school!”

“You need clean clothes for Frank.”, the blond boy stated while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“What? How do you know?”, the Gerard-mole shot up from its tunnel, finalizing his destruction of the mountain and looking up at his younger brother from his kneeling position, wringing his hands together nervously.

“Dude, even Ma knows and you hardly talk to her. And when you do it´s always `Frank did this´, `Did I show you what Frank drew for me?´. Let´s just hope for everyone´s safety that the FBI never tries to hire you, you´re so painfully obvious it´s basically a national security problem. And now please get out of my clothes.”, he added, before pulling out a light blue shirt for himself and a gray one for Gerard that he promptly threw at him.

“Here´s your shirt, now get out you fucking leech or the next time you come in here I will be jerking off.”

“Ew”, Gerard pulled a face before looking down on the shit in his hands, up at Mikey again and back on the shirt. When he looked at Mikey again, he had lifted his Mikey-typical eyebrow again.

“I know what you´re wondering and the answer is no. I have not and will never come onto any of my shirts. We´re not that much alike.”, he uncrossed his arms and took a step into the shorter brother´s direction. “Now will you get out or do you wanna see me undress?”

Gerard´s eyes shot up to his brother´s pointy face once again before he quickly turned on his heels. Mikey swore he never saw Gee fly down the stairs faster ever before.

*

When he finally jumped down the last three stairs onto the godawful beige carpet on the first floor of their home, Mikey could already smell the toast that his mother had prepared for Gerard and him this morning. He let himself fall onto the chair with so much force that the old wood creaked beneath him causing his mother to shoot him a dirty look from across the kitchen counter.

“`M sorry, Ma,” he mumbled while trying to chew his toast. Unfortunately, he didn´t quite manage and bit himself on the inside of his cheek. “Son of a bitch,” Mikey whispered, not wanting to cause himself any more trouble with his mother.

“Where´s Gee? I was supposed to ride with him to school today.”, Mikey glanced up at the kitchen clock anxiously. 

“I don´t know, honey.”, Mrs. Way rubbed her tired eyes with one hand. 

If he weren´t preoccupied with dreading the possibility of arriving to class late on his first day, she would´ve baffled Mikey with the ability to not stab her eyes out with her long claw-like nails or smudge her dark eye-make-up in the process.

*

Gerard arrived at exactly 7.43 am in an awful condition. Apparently it hadn´t been enough to desecrate his brother´s wardrobe, no, he had also borrowed Mikey´s straightening iron and used it on about half of his hair. The other half was in its usual somewhat-curly, very greasy state. His hazel eyes were lined in black, but Mikey was certain that he had stabbed himself in the eye a few times, since the left one was alarmingly red. The worst thing yet was probably the smell, though. Everyone was used to the Way brothers having a particular musky scent to them but it seemed like this year, Gerard was over this fact being common knowledge.

“Dude, you know you´re just supposed to use one deodorant, right? And what´s up with the aftershave, you don´t even grow a beard!”, Gerard was just about to step into the kitchen but Mikey shoved him back into the hallway, before looking down onto his hands in disgust like some of the disaster that somehow was his older brother would stick to them.

“You´re not going in there. It´s too late for breakfast and besides: we cook with gas. You´re a huge dumbass but I don´t wanna be traumatized by my brother blowing up into a gigantic ball of fire or something like that.”I

n the meantime Mikey had continued to shove his brother through the hallway and out of the front door. 

“We´ll need to crack open a window on the ride, come on.”

With those words he left Gerard standing in front of the house and walked up to his brother´s beat up car. “You gon´get in or am I supposed to tell Frank you´re not showing?”

And for the second time that morning, Mikey sent Gerard running.

*

They arrived at school just in time for Mrs.Baker, the elderly government teacher who always carried a big thermos jug full of what might as well be alcohol, to see Gerard confidently park in two parking spaces at once, check his hair in the rearview mirror, not once, but twice, then realize how late he and his little brother were and hurry out of his car without locking the doors.

“I swear to god, Gee, if I get detention because of one of your stupid Frank-related antics again I will kill you and dance on your grave!” 

With this threat echoing after him, Mikey rounded the corner to where his homeroom was. “What antics?! This was the first time!”,Gerard exclaimed but was only rewarded a middle finger mid-run.

*

“So you skipped homeroom on your first day?”, Frank whistled,”that´s pretty badass if you ask me. Right, Mikey?”

“If by badass you mean stupid, yeah, sure. Dude, mom´s gonna kick your ass into next year if she finds out,” turning away from Frank he looked at his brother.

“She´s not gonna find out if you don´t snitch on me,” the older one bit back. “I just didn´t wanna go in there last.” 

“God, your awkwardness is seriously gonna ruin your education.”, Mikey carefully arranged his bangs behind his glasses again.”You´re gonna live in mom´s basement fore-”

“Excuse me?”, an extraordinarily high male voice interrupted his predictions of his brother´s future.

“I´m Ray, I´m the new head of the chess club.”, while saying this, the tall boy the voice belonged to, straightened his back like he was telling them something he was incredibly proud of. 

“And it says here on my list that Micheal and Gerard Way have both not signed up for any after-school activities this year,” he smiled widely and scratched his head that was adorned with a mess of frizzy dark blond hair.

“Someone told me that was you two”, he pointed his clipboard first at Gerard and the on Mikey, where it remained just a little bit longer.

“And I was wondering if you would like to join the chess club. It´s really fun.”, he added hopefully.

After what felt like an eternity Gerard finally decided to speak up.“No, sorry, I would, erm, love to but unfortunately I´m involved in my own after school-project,” after a long awkward glance to where Frank was watching the whole scene unfold, he continued. “So, no, sorry. But Mikes here will,” he pointed with his thumb in Mikey´s general direction.

If looks could kill, Gerard would be a very dead man right now. Well to be exact he would´ve died earlier that morning. But either Ray chose to completely ignore the outrage in the face of the chess club´s newest member or he was oblivious to any sort of social cues. Either way an even bigger grin appeared on his face when he scrabbled down Mikey´s name quickly, like he expected other club leaders to jump out of the lockers and try to win Mikey over.

“Awesome! Meetings are at 5 every Tuesday and Thursday. No equipment required. See ya!”, and he was gone as quickly as he had appeared.

“So Frank,” Gerard started his obvious attempt at changing the topic.” What after-school activities are you taking part in?”

“Football.”, Frank took obvious delight in the way their faces scrunched up in disbelief. “It´s where the cute boys are at.”

Upon hearing Frank´s reason for his sudden interest in sports, Gerard´s face fell, like someone had punched him in the gut.

Mikey would have had to lie if he said that it didn´t bring him at least a bit of satisfaction.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting a bit of the Mikey/Pete situation of this story and its getting kinda sad for the first time.  
> I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Girlwhohatespeople

“Dude, chess? That´s, like, so lame…”, Pete took a sip from the soda Mikey had handed him earlier that afternoon. 

“I know,”Mikey sighed. “But it all went so fast. You shoulda seen Gee he was like the Flash of signing brothers up for boring clubs. What am I supposed to do now?”

“You could do me,”Pete wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe that´ll help.”

“I doubt that´ll help me get out on playing chess but I´ll be willing to give it a try,” the tall boy said with a shrug and laid down on his bed with a smile. “Watcha waiting for?”

*

“Did Pete leave?”, Gerard asked from his place at the desk.

“Yeah. His mom wanted him home for dinner.”, Mikey stepped up to his brother to be able look over his shoulder at his painting. “What´s that?”

“It´s a vampire. But instead of turning into a bat he turns into a butterfly. Hence the beak.”

“Rad. Do butterflies even have beaks?”, he laid his pointy chin onto Gerard´s shoulder.

“How would I know? I failed biology last year,”the black haired boy laid down the pencil he was drawing with a few seconds ago. “You should adjust your hair before dinner, Mom´s not gonna like it when she finds out that the little friends her baby boy brings home aren´t trading CDs and video games.”

“Shut up, she´s never gonna notice,” Mikey shoved his hands into his hair. “Better?”

“No, but who cares. It´s not like she never had sex before,” Gerard yawned and stretched like the stray cat Mikey sometimes petted outside on the porch.

“Ew, how can you say something like that right before dinner?”, he trailed after Gerard who had gotten up from his desk chair and was now walking over to the flight of stairs that connected his room to the first floor.

Gerard shrugged. “I hope you washed your hands.”

*

By the time he arrived at school the next morning, Mikey had almost forgotten what a dreadful day it was going to be. His iPod was playing Radiohead and he was humming along with it when he arrived at his locker just to see someone standing there. Mikey groaned when he recognized the towering figure to be Ray, or how he called him in his head: chess-club-dude. 

He pulled his earphones out of his ears with what felt like a full 360 eye-roll and cleared his throat.

Ray jumped from the sudden noise and made a squeaky sound that no highschool senior should be able to produce, especially not ones that were Ray´s size.

“Dude, you´re standing in front of my locker,” Mikey said, trying not to sound too annoyed but not quite managing, “and I need my textbooks.”

“Oh hi, Micheal!”, Ray did a small wave but let his hand sink again with a small frown when it was not reciprocated. “I just wanted to let you know that everyone at the club is really excited that we have a new member,”he smiled widely again, now, seeming to have shaken off his earlier sadness over Mikey´s rejection of his greeting.

“Really? I don´t even know anyone there,” the shorter of the two shuffled through his locker that he had opened in the meantime, “And it´s Mikey, by the way.”

Ray´s eyes widened. 

“Oh, I´m, like, really sorry, I didn´t know,” he pulled the sheet of paper out of his pocket on which he had scribbled down Mikey´s name the day before and began to scratch it out with a pen he had drawn from his back pocket. He then proceeded to write down ´Mikey` in neat letters. “Got it all fixed, I hope you´re not mad.”

Mikey himself was just taken aback by Ray´s reaction. Usually, when he mentioned the fact that he wasn´t going by Micheal, people, especially grown-ups, just smiled in that mild way like they smiled at a toddler who kept falling over. Mikey really hated that smile.

But Ray was different. 

Of course he was different, Mikey scolded himself, no guy in his right mind was gonna be the head of the chess-club. 

“Uh no, dude, it´s fine. I appreciate it, tho.”, he smiled at the taller boy and got an even wider smile back. “So, yeah, I´ve got math now so…”

“Oh, yeah, sure, see you after school, Mikey!”, he waved while walking backwards, almost running over a certain class mate of Mikey´s.

*

“He´s kind of a threat to society, don´t you think?”, Frank chuckled after Ray finally left, but not without apologizing elaborately.

“Yeah…”, was all his friend could come up with.

“What´s the matter, Mikeyway?”, Frank turned to look him straight in the face, “You´re not usually such a dreamer.”

“Just thinkin´…”, Mikey mumbled and added, just to change the topic, “You heard about that new comic Gee´s working on?”

As hoped, Frank fell for this little trap of his easily and began chatting away about how much of an artistic revelation Gerard was.

*

Ray was holding some kind of start of the year speech like all teachers did while Mikey sat on the bleachers in the small dusty gym that wasn´t really used for anything anymore after the city had built a new one closer to the football field, where Frank was probably drooling over James and Derek and the other stereotypically-named jocks.

Mikey was typing away on his phone, arranging another meeting with Pete right after this ordeal, just barely listening to Ray´s voice going even higher through excitement about the opportunities to compete in chess tournaments this year. 

Maybe he was seeing him too often, his mother had already asked if Pete was his boyfriend. Mikey had just told her no, because frankly that was the truth. He didn´t have boyfriends. Ever. That  
wasn´t what he did.

Ray´s speech came to an end and the others around him started clapping and then poured onto the gymnasium floor where there were already tables set up. Mikey followed them a little bit hesistantly and by the time he reached the tables everyone had already partnered up.

Someone cleared his throat behind him and Mikey didn´t even have to turn around to know who it was. Sure enough, when he did turn around he was met with Ray´s blinding smile. Honestly, did this guy ever not smile like it was his birthday?

“Looks like we´re partners, Mikey,” he held up the box containing the board and the pawns and other figures,”Did you ever play chess before?”

“Nah never even crossed my mind,” Mikey slumped into the plastic chair waiting for Ray to sit down across from him.

“Alright, let´s get started,” he started to arrange the chess pieces neatly between them, “Do you want to be white or black?”

“White.” Mikey said.

“Alright. Then it´s your turn since white is always moving first. Your first move will also always be a pawn since they´re literally in the front,” Ray chuckled at his own remark and pointed at the Pawns on the board.

*

After showing Mikey the basic moves every character in the chess game was able to perform they actually started to play a very short game consisting of only two moves by Ray who upon his victory actually started to laugh excitedly and throw his hands in the air like some weird victory dance.

“It´s called a fool´s mate, setting someone checkmate in two moves. I never managed to do that!”, he beamed at his opponent.

“Yeah, well, I´ve never played before so it´s not really something to write home about, don´t you think?”, Mikey wasn´t actually mad about losing. He didn´t even know what it was about Ray that made him so furious. It had to be his damned cheerfulness.

Ray visibly deflated upon hearing Mikey´s comment. But different from the first time he didn´t seem to pick himself up so quickly after being shot down. He fumbled a bit with his pawn while biting down on his lip, his hair covering most of his face, before he started smiling slightly at Mikey again.

“Sorry, I didn´t mean to make you feel bad about losing. You´re gonna get better, I promise.” For the rest of the hour he avoided Mikey´s eyes who took the opportunity to text and ask Gerard if he was gonna be home later.

*

He wasn´t, as it turned out and he only just returned when Mikey was already sitting on the porch smoking and watching Pete walking down the road in the distance.

“Did your boyfriend leave already?”, Gerard snickered and turned to watch Pete´s small statue disappear between the houses.

“Haha,” Mikey said humorless. 

Upon looking down on his younger brother Gerard noticed that his eyes were rimmed in red and their usual smudged make-up appeared to be sticking to the sleeves of his hoodie like he had rubbed at his eyes.

“Hey, what´s the matter, Mikes?”, he sat down next to the cowering boy, laying a, as he hoped, comforting arm around him,”Did you guys have a fight?”

“No,” he choked out,”I hurt him. I hurt him so much,” and then Gerard had an arm-full of a sobbing Mikey.

There had been many times Gerard had to console Mikey in the past but there was never such a load of emotions to unpack. In the past it had been their mom or a teacher yelling at him or him falling off his bike and later a skateboard and scraping his knees. Gerard had always been the first one he ran to when he was hurt so it confused the black haired boy that he had held onto this for so long.

“...I just don´t know what to do, Gee,” he sniffeld and buried his face in his brother´s sheets, “What´s wrong with me? Why can´t I just be normal?”

Gerard had no idea how to make Mikey realize that he was normal. Hell, he was probably the most normal person in this entire household. It didn´t matter that he didn´t fall in love with sixteen year-old douches who then called him a heartless monster for not returning his feelings and wanting to keep their relationship strictly physical.

“You´re absolutely normal, Mikey. You´ll fall in love eventually. I mean you´re still in highschool and most kids there are just so stupid they should be locked up.”

“Why can´t I just be in love with Pete? I really want to but I´m not. He hates me now when he just told me that he was in love with me,” he looked at his older brother with so much despair it made Gerard´s throat constrict. 

“Come here,” he laid down with him and gently took off his glasses. “Just sleep, you´ll be fine…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear people,
> 
> I can't even believe that more people than my good friend Alice have actually read this fic :)))))  
> I hope you like what you read until now and enjoy what this new chapter brings. Let me know how you like it!
> 
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

It wasn´t like Mikey didn´t want a boyfriend. With his brother also being openly gay, he never had to dread the possibility of having to face his parents´resentment after introducing them to a male as his partner.

He just didn´t think that he was what others would call `boyfriend material´. He was moody, withdrawn and, yes, sometimes he felt distant from his emotions. He wasn´t like his brother; soft, artistic, emotional Gerard. 

Love was not something he felt very strongly. Mikey had always shown love. He helped his mother set up a new tv, he brought his brother coffee when he was once again stuck, trying to bring his swirling superhero fantasies to paper and before her death when she was already sick and bed bound, he had read his grandmother stories Gerard had written.

Thinking about Elena made Mikey´s throat constrict painfully. He had been so sure that she would make it, that she would once again sit in their living room on Christmas listening to Gerard singing Christmas songs and showing Mikey how to knit. 

He was pretty sure that he had loved her. And he loved Gerard, because every vicious thing that had happened to him in school hurt him like he was the one who had to endure the abuse. And he loved his mom, because every time she fell asleep at the kitchen table waiting for him or Gerard to get home, he wished so badly that she had better kids that it felt like his chest was constricting. Gasping for air he would lay a blanket around her shoulders before leaving for his room like a beaten dog.

So why, why, was he not able to feel this affection, care, fucking love for Pete? He wanted to. So why couldn´t he?

*

The next chess-club meeting came around two days later but Mikey stayed home, refusing to leave his bed. When Donna questioned her oldest son about Mikey´s behavior he just sighed.

“He just needs some time, Ma. He´ll come around.”

Even Frank visited on Wednesday after hearing about the bad condition his friend was in. So it was a surprise to Donna when she heard the doorbell ring on a Friday afternoon and the teenager in font of it was not, in fact, Frank.

“Excuse me?” she eyed the strange looking kid on he front porch up and down, trying to estimate his age, “You here to see Gerard?”

“No, sorry, uh, Ma´am. I´m Ray. Toro. I actually came to see your son Mikey,” he smiled shyly at her.

Donna had had a soft spot in her heart for awkward teens since, well, since her own two sons had grown up to be just that. That was why she just about melted on the spot when Ray tilted his head to the side and wrung his hands together, waiting. 

“Come in sweetheart, Mikey is in his room upstairs, second door to the right.”

*

“What now, Mom?”, Mikey groaned when he heard a knock upon his door.

The door opened but instead of his mother´s bleach blonde hair Ray´s massive head of curls appeared in his line of sight.

“What do you want here?”

“Uh, hi!”, Ray waved awkwardly once again and walked over to the bed where Mikey was laying face-down on the sheets,”I was wondering why you weren´t at the club meeting yesterday and I thought that maybe you didn´t wanna go anymore because of how I acted the last time, which was stupid and I´m sorry that I´m so stupid,” he wiped his hand over his face and continued,”So I tracked down your brother so I could apologize but he told me that you weren´t in school so asked him where you guys live and uhm. Yeah. That´s why I´m here: to apologize.”

Mikey stared at him blankly.

“You came here to apologize for winning?”, he pulled up his left eyebrow, “That hardly seems like the truth. You´re either lying or a complete whacko,” he turned over so his back was turned on Ray.

“Well I was actually gonna ask you something else. But you´re right, who am I even kidding. I am a whacko,” he took what sounded like a very shuddery breath and stood up,”Bye, Mikey.”

*

Donna was just about to go up the stairs to ask if Mikey and his company would like some snacks, a drink maybe? But when she reached for the door handle the door was already opened from inside and a visibly upset Ray tried to sneak past her to the stairs. 

Surprised about his sudden departure she just took a step out of his way and didn´t try to investigate like she usually did when her kid´s friends left in a hurry. Because that usually meant that she had to spend an entire night comforting Gerard after some of these brats had the audacity to bully him in his own home, not even letting him have a safe retreat from school. They pretended to be his friends but then played cruel pranks on him, leaving him hurt and distrustful. 

If this was one of those cases she would bring down hell on that Toro kid. He didn´t strike her as that kind of person at first but there was no possible other explanation as to what happened. Mikey rarely got into fights and even if he did he would always try to solve things right away. That was how good of a kid he was and it seriously messed with her how depressed he had become over the last few days. Sometimes she felt like it would have to be her fault, both of her kids being so prone to melancholy. 

The bang of the front door downstairs made Donna snap out of he thoughts. She pushed he hand through her bleached hair and then softly knocked on Mikey´s door.

“What now?”, his voice was muffled, he probably had his blanket pulled over his head like he always did when he was stressed.

“Can I come in, sweetie?”, she tried to give her voice a soothing sound, even though she knew she was probably no soothing presence to her children anymore. They didn´t get into fighting matches anymore, like when Gerard was going through puberty and didn´t know any other way to channel his anger and pain, but with growing up there was always the aspect of drifting apart.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

She opened the door quietly and closed it behind her before walking over to the bed and sitting down on the very edge of it.

“What´s wrong, Mikey?”, her hand reached over to stroke the soft strands of his hair that were peaking out of his little blanket fortress. Just now she noticed the irregular breaths that were moving the blankets to be quite sobbing.

“Oh no, baby, don´t cry, what´s the matter? Did you two fight?”, she asked even though she probably knew better. 

“No, Ma, I´m sorry.”

“Never apologize for crying, honey. If you don´t wanna talk to me maybe I can just send Gerard up here when he gets home and you can talk to him, hm?”, she tucked his hair under the blanket with the rest of his head and leaned down to place a soft kiss on the comforter where she assumed his head was.

Before she was able to get up from his bed and reach the door, Mikey stuck his head out from his blankets. It reminded Donna of how her youngest son had looked when he was little and came crawling into her bed after a nightmare. His eyes were still shiny and red from crying, looking like two huge hazel spheres swimming in tears. The sight almost broke her heart.

He used the edge of the blanket to wipe his nose and then looked up at her.

“I love you, Ma,” he whispered. 

“Oh, baby, I love you, too,” she smiled softly at him but he was already looking away, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I´ll tell your brother to come to you as soon as I can,” with that she opened the door, but waited in the doorframe a little for Mikey to respond. When he didn´t she sighed and stepped out in the hallway, closing the door.

“How could she,”Mikey thought bitterly, once again alone in his room. 

“How could she love a heartless son?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally now Rays side of things. It's gonna be sad and internalized homophobia will be a topic so be warned and be safe :) 
> 
> Have fun and leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed!

His shaky hands tried and failed to get the key into the lock time after time. When he finally opened the front door, Ray couldn´t keep his defenses up anymore. He stormed upstairs into his small room in the attic, where he immediately collapsed onto his bed, hiding his face in his pillow.

Crying wasn´t something Ray did. At least he tried not to. He was naturally a pretty optimistic guy and life usually had a hard time bringing him down.

In retrospect that was probably what got him into this situation.

Of fucking course Mikey Way would not like him. He must´ve misinterpreted some of the things he did. Like actually showing up to the club meeting. Or talking to him in the school hallway.

It was fair, though. He didn´t make a complete fool of himself, he didn´t even have the chance to properly ask him out. 

A sob wrestled its way out of his throat. He even had a small speech prepared in his head. He was gonna ask him if he wanted to go to the arcade with him, or maybe go see a movie. Ray was gonna tell Mikey how he had seen him passing in school many times in the year before but didn´t want to approach him without a reason. 

Now, of course, it seemed like Ray should´ve just kept his distance. It would´ve spared him the humiliation of crying into his pillow like some teenage girl. He wasn´t a girl. Yeah, maybe he was gay but at least no one had to ever know that. 

Ray had pictured it all: Asking Mikey out, them going on dates together, him eventually asking Mikey to be his boyfriend. Then he would introduce him to his parents, coming out to them at the same time.

Sure, his parents wouldn´t be thrilled and his brother would totally make fun of him for being a pansy, but Ray wouldn´t care because he would have Mikey. 

This all seemed like stupid daydreams to him now. He was never going to come out to anyone, just keep his head down through high school, play chess tournaments, jam on his guitar in his free time and help his mom around the house.

No Mikey, no boyfriend, no gay, no nonsense. 

*

It was almost dark outside when Gerard came home to his mother sitting at the kitchen table, chain smoking and drinking coffee.

“Your brother is very upset. Will you go talk to him?”, she pleaded when he stepped into the small smoke-filled room.

“Sure,” his eyes flickered worriedly between the stairwell and his mothers tired face. “I´ll see how he´s doing.”

And whatever magic his mother thought he was doing up there, he was not. Not really. He just laid down on Mikey´s twin bed thats decidedly too narrow for the two of them now, different from when they were kids.

And Mikey just clings to him like a sad little koala trying to hold onto a small droopy tree. Because that´s what Gerard is. Gerard is the kid his mom tells her lady friends about. How Gerard can´t seem to get out of bed sometimes. How Gerard´s grades are dropping.

Gerard. 

Not Mikey.

But it seems like their whole bloodline is somehow doomed to succumb to sadness quicker than the average American and that´s why he´s got a little brother sobbing in his arms and his mother siting down in the kitchen letting him handle this.

“She should,” Gerard thinks. Because if she didn´t maybe she would get sucked into this as well and none of the three need that right now.

So instead he whispers “Fuck Pete” into Mikey´s ear over and over again before he makes a choking noise that Gerard interprets as a laugh and a sob at the same time and whispers it back.

“Fuck Pete”

Maybe Gerard was wrong and Mikey is stronger than all of them together.

*

The following Monday, Ray had half a mind to just fake being sick. He din´t want to take any chance to run into Mikey. Just thinking about what he almost did made the blood rush to his cheeks and his stomach sink from shame. 

Still, when his mother banged onto his door demanding that he got up before his breakfast would get cold he decided to just bite the bullet. After all he didn´t exactly got to finish his risky endeavor. So if he just kept his head down he would most likely be okay today.

But already after the first period Ray´s confidence began to crumble. The principle had wanted to speak to him and immediately his mind went rampant. Was he getting kicked out for being gay and hitting on a younger student? Wasn´t that considered to be pedophilia? 

In the end it was just about getting some money from the school´s fund to buy some new chess games and pay registration fees at tournaments. 

But afterwards Ray´s knees were shaking so badly he didn´t feel fit enough to attend his next class. Instead, he went to the second floor bathroom to splash his face with some cold water. When he looked into the mirror above the sink, he felt like crying again, this time out of fear, not rejection.

All Ray ever wanted was to make everyone around him happy. He signed up for the least popular classes because he didn´t want the teachers to be sad if no one attended their class, he started playing chess because his grandpa had always complained about having no one to play with before his death. He tried to get good grades and studied hard for tests to make his parents happy with him. Hell, he even started playing the guitar because he wanted to have something to share with his older brother so badly when he was little.

But now everything could be worth nothing if his secret were to ever come out. His teachers looking down on him, his parents ashamed of him and his brother disgusted. Not to mention the bullying he´d have to endure. 

If only he had Mikey. Everything would be worth it if he would just know that he had someone still looking out for him. And if that someone would be Mikey, Ray was sure he would be able to take anything. 

But what had he called him? A whacko. And he was right. Oh so, so right. Only whackos cried in the bathroom while they should be in German class with Mr. Schröder so that he wouldn´t have to explain complex grammatical structures to an empty classroom.

Ray sighed. Maybe if he was prettier, pretty like Mikey he would be on fucking cloud nine now.

But he´d been down this path before there was no point in wishing he was a bit more like the guys Mikey was always around. He didn´t have a tiny nose like Gerard or a perfect to-scale mouth like Frank. And he was okay with that. Most of the time that was.

But today it felt like nothing could feel even remotely okay. 

“It´s just a bad day,” he told himself, “You got this.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, 
> 
> another chapter again, this time it´s kind of a filler just so we get to know some other characters like Rays mom and get along in the story a bit. Apart from that it´s kinda boring.  
> Leave some comments and kudos, maybe tell me what you would like to see happening next.
> 
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

At the same time, Mikey was in science class and also utterly miserable. Pete´s desk was just a row away from his and he felt like he was gonna jump out of his skin any second.

Gerard had told him to just say hi, like he hadn´t just spent a week at home moping over what was said the last time they saw each other. But then again, it had taken Gerard a year and his little brother befriending Frank to talk to him, so he was probably not an expert when it got to boys.

So when Pete slipped into class roughly a minute before their teacher, Mikey just stared ahead at the wall with his usual stone cold expression. He felt Pete´s gaze upon him but forced himself to show no emotion at all. That was, after all, what that bastard expected of him, wasn´t it?

*

The next day Mikey walked into the chess club meeting feeling pretty much better about himself. Gerard had taken him to the comic book store the day before, so his backpack was filled with brightly colored magazines to distract himself from his boring classes.

Also, he had noticed Pete talking to one of the band kids at lunch and it felt like he could provide an easy distraction to Pete, who still gazed longingly at Mikey when he felt like the other boy  
wasn´t paying attention.

Mikey was glad that he seemed to be making other friends.

But upon seeing Ray, it was like all of his good feelings were leaving him at the spot. 

“Hey,” he smiled, “You wanna play together, again? You could finally teach me to not loose on the spot.”

“No, sorry,” Ray kept his eyes firmly on the floor, hair covering his face.

“Uh,” Mikey scratched his head, “You ok, dude?”

“Fine. Just...go find a seat.”, his voice sounded strained, like he was trying not to choke up.

He was about to turn around and just find a different partner but in his peripheral view he could see Ray rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his zip up hoodie before taking a breath.

“I´m sorry,” Mikey said in a low voice while turning back to Ray, who lifted his head slightly in surprise.

“About what? All that was said was absolutely right, no need for apologies,” the senior looked at him through the strands of his hair, now, his eyes rubbed raw and red.

“It kinda wasn´t,” Mikey grimaced, “You´re not a—what was that again?-- right, you´re not a whacko. I was just in a bad mood that day, it was actually really nice of you to visit me.”

Now, Ray was looking directly at him, surprise morphing into confusion, then shame, then his whole face was void of any emotion.

“Never mind.”

“...okay,” he looked once again up to Ray but he had once again hidden his face behind his hair.

*

“Mamá, I´m home!”, he called out when he finally made it home. Today he had played chess with Fabian who had told him in excruciating detail everything one had to know about his pet turtle, Nero. Usually, Ray would have smiled about the anecdotes of the small reptile, but not today.

He did feel kind of bad, being so rude to Fabian. Maybe he would just come up with a fun turtle related joke tomorrow to make it up to him. Now tho, he just wanted to get a tea from the kitchen and sit down on his bed, reading a comic book.

But it seemed like luck was not on his side this week, because when he stepped into the kitchen to get the teakettle started, he was met with his mother.

“Hello to you, too,” she narrowed her eyes, making it seem like she had some sort of x-ray stare with which she could see right through him, see all the dirty, wrong pieces of himself that he kept so carefully hidden inside. 

Ray didn´t want to, if anything it made him seem more suspicious, but he lowered his head, like a little kid getting scolded. 

“Why were you not in German class today, hm? The office called to ask whether you´re sick,” she stepped closer, trying to look him in the face from below. 

“Are you sick?”, she asked now, laying her warm hand onto his forehead.

“No, Mamá, I´m sorry, I didn´t feel like it,” he looked at her, not able to lie his mother into the face.

“I´m sorry, nene, but that´s not ok and you know it. You wanna go to college, no?”

He nodded.

“Then you need to get good grades,” she smiled at him stroking his hair, “You know I need to punish you, though. No guitar until the end of the month,” he winced.

“Go get it for me please so I can put it away.”

Ray knew that arguing with his mother was pointless. She was a small Puerto Rican woman who had a big heart but at the same time a loud and unyielding voice. He sometimes wondered why he had turned out so different from the rest of his hot tempered family. 

“Of course. Mamá,” he said before slumping upstairs, dreading the days without his beloved instrument.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I have no life which is why I can drop 1000 words every day but not do my actual school stuff.
> 
> In this chapter Ray meets Mikey´s friends and Mikey gets thinking about how he behaved around Ray...  
> Boring again but I promise we pick up some time again.
> 
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

It was agonizing, having to deal with his thoughts without being able to play. He tried humming and writing the riffs he came up with at night when he was the only one in the house wide awake, but he knew that they would end up crumbled in his trashcan when he got the chance to actually try them out on guitar.

Ray groaned and pulled his hood over his hair. He had taken two busses and was now walking through the rain just to buy himself some distraction in the form of comic books.

His mother always shook her head when he had showed her the newest issues he had bought so it was a seldom occurrence now, that Ray actually spent money on them. Usually, he would just read the ones he burrowed from friends or the old ones up in his room.

When he finally stepped into the small store wedged between a dry cleaner and a 24 hour grocery store he felt immediately comforted. There were shelves and paper displays stuffed tightly into the small room. It felt like disappearing into a world of superheroes that smelled like chemical paints and coffee from the machine on the front counter.

Ray loved it.

He took off his hood, shaking his curls from a few drops that had landed on them regardless from their cotton protection. His cold hands itched to just grab the next comic book and sink down into one of the padded chairs that were scattered in the corners, so he did just that. Ray sighed when he sunk down, not having noticed how strained his nerves were over the last few days. Now, it felt like a set of extremely taut springs around his chest was finally relaxing.

That was, until he heard a familiar giggle accompanied with clapping. Of all the places in the universe he would have never expected to meet Mikey here. Fuck.

Without thinking he just scrambled to get up from his seat and out of the door. But once again he collided with that Frank Iero kid. Double fuck.

“Hey!”, he yelled. “It´s you again! Where do you have your eyes, dude?”

Following the noise emitted by their friend, Gerard and Mikey rounded the corner, to see Frank help a blushing Ray back onto his feet.

“Ray, what are you doing here?”, Mikey asked, stepping closer as Ray appearantly tried to get invisible dust off his pants.

“Oh um,” he blushed even more, if that was even possible. “I wanted to get some new comic books,” for proof he held up the one he had read before they had come into the store. It was now fairly wrinkly.

“You´re paying that!”, the guy behind the counter said, before taking another sip of what looked like scalding hot coffee.

Ray sighed.

“So,” Gerard had edged closer to Ray (and Frank) during their encounter, “Are you a Marvel or a DC guy?”

“Uhm,” he struggled to turn his eyes away from Mikey´s face. “Both, I guess,” he forced himself to smile.

“Great,” Gerard bumped into Mikey´s upper thigh with his hip. “He's coming with us.”

*

With Ray stumbling behind them, the guys reached their final destination: Lloyd´s guitar shop.

“Welcome to Frankie´s home,” Mikey grinned. “Do you play an instrument?”

He had no idea when he had even agreed to go with them but now he was sitting in the tiny store with a group of friends he wasn't even a part from.

In addition to that it was hard for Ray to be around Mikey. Especially, when he had his long fingers curled around the neck of a bass guitar and was gracefully plucking away. He wanted those bad, sinful feelings to go away, to leave him alone finally.

But even more than that he enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends. Ray never knew that Frank played the guitar as well. Finally, he was able to enjoy his hobby with others who shared his passion.

If there wasn´t the nagging pain in his chest he could probably describe this as the best day of his life.

“Ray! Will you play something for us?”, Gerard came over to them from where he was sitting with Mikey, who had propped up the bass on its place on the wall again and was following him.

“You don´t have to, if you don´t want to,” he said, sensing hesistation with Ray.

Ray looked up to Mikey, confused by the sudden change in attitude towards him.

“I can play, if you want me to.”

*

“Ray, that was amazing!”, Frank almost vibrated off his stool when the last note faded.

Ray just smiled shyly, pulling his shoulders up and hiding his head between them.

“It really was,” Mikey smiled crookedly at him, causing Ray to blush and turn away.

*

“He´s a really cool guy,” Frank jumped around them when they had waved off Ray and were now on their way to where Gerard had parked his car.

“We had a bit of a falling out last week,” Mikey said, raising his eyebrow on Frank´s inability to walk like a normal human being.

“He came over on Friday when the whole Pete thing was going down. And I was kinda rude...I actually don´t know why he even talks to me anymore, I swear I thought after the last club meeting he hated me,” Mikey took off his glasses to wipe some raindrops off of them.

“Maybe you should just apologize again,” Gerard mumbled around the bag of chips he was munching. “He´s cool, we could hang out with him more.”

“Yeah,” his brother kicked a pebble out of the way that promptly smacked against the driver´s side of Gerard´s car.

“Hey!”, the older exclaimed, punching his brother hard while Frank stood there, cackling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends,
> 
> first of all: thank you so much for all those lovely comments I've received. They mean a lot to me <3  
> Now in this chapter we get a bit sad again (poor Ray) but you, as the reader, also get some vital information about how Mikey feels about Ray.
> 
> Have fun and leave me comments if you want to, they really do make my day!
> 
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

Back home, Frank demanded to take a look at Gerard´s drawings, so Mikey, not wanting to be the third wheel, went up to his room. There, he carefully placed his comics on his bed, before getting his laptop and settling down at his desk.

As always, Myspace took some time to finally load its user interface but when he finally logged into his account he was disappointed by the lack of internet presence of Ray.

Mikey sighed and leaned back in his chair. He had hoped that he could just send Ray a message to spare himself from having to apologize a second time in person. 

Now that he thought about it, though, it felt weird to him that Ray had acted so hurt in the first place. Frank and Gerard didn´t care much, when he called them names, at least as long as he  
didn´t call Gerard crazy. His brother hated being called crazy, it made him turn in on himself, made him that kind of silent that Mikey hated. 

But what was even weirder to him was how nervous Ray seemed to be around him and his friends. Maybe he was socially anxious, like Mikey himself and it had already taken a lot from him to visit Mikey when he had been `sick´. And he, Mikey, had behaved like a jerk even though Ray was nice enough to look after him, like he cared—no! Mikey shook his head like he could get his spiraling thoughts physically out of his head. He had been nice enough to Ray this afternoon and he would apologize, this time until Ray accepted his apology. There was no reason for self-loathing right now.

Mikey sighed again and closed his computer. Tonight, there was nothing he could do anymore, so he was just going to read his new comic book. But after a few pages he realized that he was not able to concentrate, as he had no idea what had even happened on the last few pages.

“Take that, Pete,” he thought glumly,”I can´t help but care about this dude´s feelings way too much.”

*

“Hey loser, where were you?”, his brother, Louis, stepped into his room, letting himself sink onto his bed.

“Out,” he fiddled with the corner of his biology book that laid open in front of him on the covers. “Comic store and guitar shop.”

“You still so hung up on those?”, he frowned, making Ray squirm uncomfortable. “I thought maybe you had a girlfriend you didn´t want mom to know about.”

Ray´s face burned in shame and he turned away from his brother.

“I-I don´t,” he squeaked. Great job, Ray. Squeaking around. Oh so manly.

“Well, you sure have enough time for that in college. I´ll tell you, those drunk college chicks,” Louis wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

There had been a time in Ray´s life where he had desperately wished to be noticed more by his brother. He had always looked up to him like some sort of hero, unobtainable and flawless. Back then, when the realization of how screwed up he was hadn´t weighed him down and essentially muted him in conversations about his love interests, he always followed his brother around, trying to get his precious attention.

Now he wanted him to just leave, almost scared to taint his brother, too, if he broke down and spilled his secret. 

To his great relief, after sitting in silence for a couple of minutes, Louis clapped down onto his thighs, signaling that he was getting up. When he had finally left, of course leaving the door open, Ray let his shoulders sink in relaxation. 

Maybe he should just try dating for a while. Girls, that was. Maybe he just didn´t know what he was missing out on. But just the thought of kissing a girl, let alone being intimate with one made him shudder in disgust. “No offense to women,” Ray thought and smiled slightly but then, like someone had flipped a switch, he felt like crying again. He would never have kids, never getting to give his parents the grandkids they deserved.

Ray loved kids, they made him smile and see the world differently with their curious questions. He was never going to become a dad, probably not even getting married. The only gay people he knew were from TV and they were always drooling over skinny white boys. No one wanted to be with someone like Ray, ever. 

The ache in his chest became overwhelmingly strong and he had to lay down and curl in on himself to ease it a bit. Next to him laid his opened biology book, mocking him, the sick creature that he was.

There was no room for gay people in nature, the human race would die out. In a bout of anger, Ray grabbed the godforsaken book and threw it away from him. He them buried his face in his arms, sobbing.

He just wanted his Mamá to hug him and comfort him, but Ray knew that he had to endure this suffering on his own. He coulnd´t tell her what was paining him. 

Gentle words, gentle touch. That was all he asked. All he ever wanted. He wanted it especially bad from Mikey, but Ray knew that these feelings wouldn´t be reciprocated. Mikey had been nice to him today, but it was no more than any friend would.

Ray wanted to be more than a friend to Mikey, wanted to be everything to him, like Mikey was to Ray. Wished that Mikey thought about him with such desperation like Ray thought about Mikey.

Oh, how sick he was, screaming his agony into a pillow. So, so sick.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello it's me again,
> 
> So I´ve actually managed to write another chapter tonight despite having trouble to get out of bed this morning...  
> But the things I would do for strangers on the internet. But seriously, people actually reading my story motivates me so much and I hope that I don't disappoint with where this is going.
> 
> ok enough rambling  
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

The next morning was a Sunday, but Mikey was not going to spend it curled up on the couch with his brother because A, Frank had apparently stayed the night and was now sitting next to Gerard cradling a mug of coffee in his hands like a precious gift, inching closer to Gerard who watched the cartoons on the TV with great interest; and B because he had a task ahead that could not wait another day.

Actually ringing the doorbell of the Wentz´ family residence took him at least 20 minutes. But thinking about spending another night sleepless with guilt about Pete, “and Ray” he added in his head made it impossible for him to even discuss the possibility of turning around. 

Taking a big breath, Mikey finally rang the door bell, tensely waiting for someone to open the door when--

“Hi, can I help you?”

The person who had opened the door smiled at Mikey, but there was also an element of surprise in his friendly expression.

“Is, uh, is Pete here?”, Mikey croaked.

“Pete!”, the guy called into the house, “There´s someone at the door for you!”

“Coming!”, that was Pete from the depths of the building.

*

Mikey´s brain just about circuited when Pete stumbled down the stairs, ran over to the door and circled the guy´s waist with his arms and laid his chin onto his head. 

“Mikey?”, he then asked incredulously, his eyes tightening to slits, “What do you want here?”

“Uhm,” he cleared his throat,”I wanted to apologize to you. I wasn´t honest with you when we started our, erm, thing so it was just natural for you to get attached emotionally. It just made me feel really guilty, so I thought I´d come over and yeah: Sorry.”

While he was speaking, Mikey´s eyes flickered between the pair in front of him. The smaller boy, who had a round face and huge glasses, had now leaned back against Pete´s chest, like he was looking for confirmation that he was still there.

“You really hurt me,” Pete said, “But getting over you was necessary so I could be with Patrick,” he smiled softly at the boy in his arms. “I know it sounds cheesy, but I am actually thankful that you broke my heart.”

“Yeah,” Mikey breathed out, “No problem, dude. I´m glad you´re happy,” he smiled tightly and held up his hand to wave goodbye.

It wasn´t that Mikey was jealous of Pete and Patrick. He was glad, actually, that the weight of guilt had lifted slightly. But it also made him wonder if that could have been him, Pete´s boyfriend. They were probably watching cartoons together now, snuggled up together in a blanket, kissing maybe. Just like the pair at home that was still dancing around each other, getting more ridiculous every day. 

Lonely. That was definitely one of the things he felt right now. His only friends were forming a relationship and while he was rooting for them, he wondered where that would leave him. 

*

Deep in his thoughts, Mikey only realized that he had reached his final destination when he literally tripped over the first of three steps leading up to the Toros´ porch. Stumbling forward, he knocked over an empty flower pot that rolled around dangerously close to the end of the deck. 

Cringing inwardly, Mikey carefully picked up the pot and put it back into a standing position. Then he straightened himself up, steeling himself for the conversation that he was about to have. Hopefully, so he thought, it was going to be the same like the first one, Ray having moved on already and not in need of an apology.

But Mikey needed it. This whole guilt thing had to stop, he needed a clear head to deal with his mom and, most importantly Gerard. He could not let his guard down anymore, he had to be there for Gerard when he got worse again. And he would, Mikey was sure of that. Gerard´s mood was fluctuating, going up and down as long as Mikey could remember. Maybe his own mood´s steadiness on a low level was a result of that, trying to balance out his brother. 

Sighing, he knocked on the door, trying to get things over with. 

Ray opened the door, his eyes widening almost comically when he saw who was standing in front of him.

“Hi,” Mikey said, “Can I come in?”

*

Ray was buzzing with nerves when he stood in the kitchen, preparing coffee for him and Mikey. His parents were out for Sunday service, leaving his brother and him alone. 

“S-so you wanted to talk to me?”, he set down the cups in front of them.

“Yeah, I wanted to apologize. Again,” he took a sip of the hot beverage, hissing when he burnt his lips.

“It´s fine, you know? No hard feelings,” Ray fidgeted with his fingers in his lap, his gaze averted from Mikey.

“Okay,” Mikey crooked his eyebrow, “I don´t bite, you can look me in the face, dude.”

But in response, Ray just squeezed his eyes shut, like he was downright afraid of Mikey, so  
not wanting to make Ray more uncomfortable than he obviously already was, he stood up.

“I guess I better get going then, thanks for the coffee and for accepting my apology.”

“No!”, Ray almost shouted.

“No?”, for the first time that day, Mikey could really see Ray´s desperation filled eyes.

“Do you maybe wanna stay, we could play video games,” the tall boy rushed to say.

“Sure…”

Confusion was a mild description for what Mikey was feeling, when he sat on the couch in the living room, his steaming cup of coffee sitting in front of him on the coffee table, while Ray set up the gaming console. But it was nice, not having to go home and retract into his room to give his brother and Frank space. 

“Mariocart?”, a shy voice from where he was kneeling next to the TV asked.

“Hell yeah, dude!”, he exclaimed excitedly, causing Ray to smile shyly and pull his head between his shoulders in that special way that he had already done in the guitar store.

It reminded Mikey of a small child who´s project was praised in front of the whole class by the teacher. Too shy to stand proudly, but undeniably happy about the praise he received. Innocent and cute.

“You wanna be Player one?”

“Absolutely!”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I´m back,
> 
> I hope y´all are excited for this new chapter, reading your comments is always inspiring to me :)  
> Yeah, I´m really tired now, so just enjoy!
> 
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

“Raymond!”, the front door opened and his parents stepped into their home.

Ray´s heart almost stopped, he felt nausea creep up his esophagus. They were back. And Mikey was still there.

“You ok?”, Mikey laid a warm hand onto his shoulder, but Ray shook it off with a jerk. Hurt, Mikey drew back his hand, like he had burnt himself.

“Hello?”, his mother had stepped into the living room, “Ray didn´t tell us he would have company over. I´m his mother, Idoya,” she smiled at him, while Ray just wanted to disappear into the ground. 

Did his mom see them touching? 

Ray knew his face was the color of a fire hydrant and he tried to hide it behind his hair. His mom kept bugging him about cutting the long curls but they gave him a sense of security, a place to hide.

“I´m Mikey,” he looked over to Ray, unsure of what to do. “I-I came by uninvited I´m sorry. I gotta go now, anyway.”

He stood up from the couch walked over to the door. “Bye, Mrs. Toro, Mr. Toro!”, he hesitated after grabbing the door handle and looked at Ray for what felt like an eternity. “Bye, Ray,” he whispered.

Ray put his head into his hands and sighed.

*

When Mikey got home, no one was there. All he wanted right now, was to talk to Gerard, tell him about how confused he was right now. He spent the morning first terrified of confronting Pete, then Ray. But then Ray had asked him to stay...

Apart from Gerard, he never really had a friend to play video games with. Frank never gave him any attention when Gerard was around, so inviting him over was futile. He was happy that  
Gerard´s crush reciprocated his feelings, but he never had had a morning like this at Ray´s since he was about 5 years old. 

Playing video games, laughing with a friend. 

Mikey missed it.

The last time he played Mariocart was at the birthday party of a friend, back when they were still in kindergarten. 

He remembered the moms sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and chatting, while he had sat on the floor, licking sticky frosting from his fingers, watching his friends play against each other, yelling and laughing.

Mikey had laughed with them—until he heard whispering and crying from the far corner of the living room. Ready to investigate, Mikey had gotten to his feet and stumbled over to where the noise was erupting. 

“Be quiet, Gerard,” one kid, Bryan, had hissed.

“Yeah, be quiet, stupid Gerard,” another one giggled.

“I-I wanna go to-o my mo-om, please,” Mikey´s brother had hick-upped from the floor.

“Momma´s boy,” Bryan had said, kicking the boy.

“Hey!”, Mikey broke through the small circle, “leave him alone!”

He had kneeled next to Gerard, hugging him, like Gerard always did when they watched a batman movie and the Joker came on screen. Mikey was terrified of the green haired villain, but Gerard made sure that he was safe. For Mikey, Gerard was as big of a superhero as batman.

The noise had attracted the women from the kitchen now, who swarmed into the room like a flog of startled geese. Donna had rushed over to her boys who were now both crying, clinging together. 

“Gerard, Micheal, what happened?”, she had touched them both from head to feet, trying to find broken bones while her eyes were the size of quarters in fear.

“–I didn´t want him at my party, Mommy,” little Kevin had squealed meanwhile, “He´s fat and stupid and he can´t even play!”

Donna had pressed her lips together tightly in order to keep her composure. Was she supposed to leave Gerard behind, when his brother was invited to a party with cake and games? Gerard had been so excited, he had insisted to design a birthday card for this brat, singing Happy Birthday the whole way in the car. They had no right to hurt him like that.

With a grim expression, she had lifted Gerard up into her arms and taken Mikey´s hand.

“Micheal, baby, do me a favor and get the present you picked out for Kevin,” she had whispered to him before they left without another word.

Gerard had cried the whole way home and it was needless to say that none of them were ever invited to a birthday party again.

Mikey shuddered. He had really hoped that Ray and him could be friends. But then, when he tried to console his friend, he had jumped away from Mikey´s touch. 

He sank to the floor, letting his head fall back against the front door and closing his eyes.

*

The next day, Mikey was in the worst imaginable mood. Gerard and Frank had emerged from the basement in the early evening, both blushing and holding hands.

“Finally,” Mikey thought and stabbed the piece of undercooked broccoli on his plate. His mother, of course was ecstatic and kept stating what a lovely couple they made and what a handsome young man Frank was.

When he said nothing, she nudged him with her sharp elbow, until he muttered “Congrats, guys,” under his breath.

Gerard looked a bit hurt at that but Mikey kept playing with his food, not looking up.

So when he arrived after a 15 minute ride on the backseat, because Frank rode shotgun now apparently, he pulled open his locker with so much force that all lose papers inside flew out in a gush. 

“Fuck my life,” Mikey whispered before bending down to collect his papers. On the top of the pile, a small piece of paper, that appeared to be ripped out of a notebook, caught his eye. When he opened it, he was surprised to see a different handwriting than his own.

“Mikey,” it read, “I had a really great time yesterday. It was nice of you to come over and apologize to me, when you did nothing wrong. I wish you could have stayed longer which is why I was wondering if you would like to hang out after school sometime? You might have noticed that I don´t have many friends, so it meant a lot to me that you stayed over to play video games with me. I´m sorry about how I behaved. If you like, text me. Ray”

Beneath the note there was a phone number written down in neat writing, almost like Ray wanted to make sure there wouldn´t be any mistakes with Mikey´s reading. It was endearing, really. The whole message was. Mikey smiled.

*

Once again in second period, German, Ray wasn´t paying attention. He was on edge ever since he had dropped the note in Mikey´s locker that morning. He knew it was a risky move, but when he had written the note last night he was not able to stop himself from dreaming. Being close to Mikey, in which way was unimportant, was his biggest wish. 

He had wrestled with himself over and over, to the point even where he almost ran to his mother´s room, to plead for her to help him with the guilt that was paining him.

Luckily, he did not give in to his urges and kept his secret, instead laying on his bed, tugging on his hair until the pain in his scalp chased his heavy thoughts away.

*

Then his phone vibrated in his pocket. 

Looking up, to where Mr. Schröder had his back turned to Ray, writing on the blackboard, Ray quickly pulled his phone from his pocket, turning on the screen beneath his table.

“Hey R,” the message from an unknown number read,”I would love 2 hang w u sometime. When r u free? xo M”  
Ray´s heart sang, when he read the message Mikey had sent him again and again. “xo M”. “xo”. Kisses, Mikey. Kisses! 

Ray almost hugged his phone in happiness. Could it be, just maybe, that Mikey liked him after all?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello party people, I'm back for another chapter,
> 
> let me tell you, this was a tough one. Without the help of Alice, this would've turned out very badly. I'm not entirely happy with it right now but I had no idea how to keep the story going otherwise. Again, Alice was of great help, her ideas were great, it was my writing that fucked this up, so all the love to her <3
> 
> I hope you still like it or are at least not furious about this decline in quality.
> 
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

He was supposed to meet Ray at the arcade at 4:30, but Mikey´s mom had kept him up with unnecessary questions, to the point where he had missed the bus and had to beg Gerard to drive him.

So when he stumbled out of his brother´s car, Ray was already standing in front of the entrance, fiddling with two small plastic bags. 

“I, uhm, already got us the tokens,” he smiled at Mikey, who´s stomach suddenly felt like he was walking up a flight of stairs in the dark and had stepped into air instead of the last step.

“I wasn´t sure if you would show up, actually,” he handed him the small bag of tokens. 

Mikey looked down on it and closed his hand around the plastic coins. “Dude, why wouldn´t I?”, he smiled, his stomach having settled again, finally, “I haven´t been to the arcade in so long.”

“Should we go in then?”, Ray asked and before Mikey could grab the door handle, he had already opened the door for him.

“Let´s go!”, he cheered.

*

Ray knew this wasn´t a date. That didn´t stop him from wearing his best jeans and a soft, army green wool pullover that, at least according to his mother, made him look like a handsome young man. Ray hoped that Mikey would think the same. 

Should he do something with his hair? No, he decided. That would be crossing a line. This. Was. Not. A. Date.

They were only going to the arcade as friends. 

Ray sighed. He wished it was different, that he could maybe hold Mikey´s hand, maybe kiss his cheek? Now that the weather was getting colder in Jersey, Mikey´s cheeks were usually pink when he arrived at school with Gerard. It made him feel all fluttery on the inside, thinking about him. 

*

Inside the arcade it smelt like rubber and pizza from the adjacent pizza place that catered birthday parties in the arcade. Mikey closed his eyes and sucked in that smell like it could transport him into better times. Times, where life wasn´t as difficult and confusing to him, times where cold pizza tasted like Italian heaven. But it didn´t make him sad, not really, it was more of the way his mom put up old pictures of Gerard and him, reveling in memories.

When he opened his eyes again, Ray looked at him sheepishly.

“You wanna go play?”, he asked.

Mikey nodded with a grin, “You see that big unicorn on there?”, he pointed over to the counter where the toys, that could be exchanged for tickets, laid. “That´s what I´m going for. Come on,” he pulled Ray over to the nearest arcade machine.

*

Ray wasn´t sure if he´d ever blushed like this. Mikey was holding his hand. Granted, it was only to serve the purpose of dragging Ray after him, in his mission to earn enough tickets for that giant stuffed unicorn, but still.

“So, uhm, you like unicorns?”, he asked, standing behind Mikey, watching him play.

“Love `em,” Mikey turned around and smiled at him.

“And your parents don´t have a problem with that?”

“No—dammit,” the arcade machine that he was playing on, spit out only three small paper tickets. Mikey sighed, bending down to collect them, then turned around to face him, “Why would they?”

“Just, you know...never mind,” Ray pushed a few strands of hair out of his face, “Wanna play Donkey Kong?”

Mikey stared at him intensely, like he was trying to figure Ray out as a whole. When he just hid behind his hair again, though, to avoid his gaze, Mikey shrugged in resignation, “Yeah, let´s go.”

*

After two hours of playing, Mikey was all out of tokens. He watched Ray absolutely kill his last two games of Pacman, winning ten tickets each, before wandering over to the employee that gave out the prizes, his friend following him closely.

“Hey,” Mikey approached the middle aged man working behind the counter, “How many tickets is that unicorn?”

The guy sighed and folded his newspaper, “It´s a hundred ´n twenty, kiddo. You want it?”

“Yeah,” Mikey sighed, “I only got fity, though. Tough luck, I guess.” 

“I´ll get it for you, I have enough tickets,” Ray said from behind him. So while the guy reached for the high hanging stuffed animal with a pole, Mikey turned around to Ray.

“You don´t have to do that you know,” he said softly.

“I know,” he replied and smiled when the dude behind the counter handed over the unicorn after taking all of Ray´s hard earned tickets, “But I want you to have it.”

The only response from Mikey was a hug, the stuffed animal wedged tightly between them. 

He looked up into Ray´s flustered face with what had to be the biggest smile in the history of Mikey Way. Bigger than the first time Gerard had performed in the school play, bigger than when one of Gerard´s comics had won an award for young artists.

“Thank you,” he whispered, “I love it.”

*

Ever since Mikey had hugged him, Ray felt like he was dreaming. But if this was a dream, he figured, his parents would have already appeared out of thin air, pulling faces in disgust upon seeing their youngest son, the realization that they had raised a faggot clear on their faces. 

But he was still walking next to Mikey who was chatting happily on their way to a diner nearby, the unicorn secure in his arms, which meant that he was safe here, apart from his raging thoughts. 

*

“...so Gerard is going off to SVA next year, which like, I´m happy for him,” Mikey stuffed a handful of fries into his mouth, not even fully swallowing before continuing to speak, “But it´ll suck balls to be alone with Ma at home, you know what I´m saying? Not to mention Frank..”

“What about Frank?”, Ray had been listening to Mikey ramble about Gerard for half an hour and if he could, he would continue to do so for the rest of his days. Every time Mikey spoke about his brother, he did it with such affection and such gentleness in his voice, that it made Ray´s thoughts wander. Would Mikey talk like this about him, ever? With so much love in his voice…

“Oh him and Gerard are a couple now and they can´t be apart for a fucking minute. It´s sickeningly sweet really,” he reached beside him to place Oliver, the unicorn, back into a sitting position on the bench in their booth.

“Y-your brother is gay?”

“Yeah. And so am I, by the way. So if you have a problem with that I´m glad I´m finding out now,” he looked at Ray with furious eyes that made the curly haired boy sink into the cushions of his seat.

“I-I...no,” he stammered,”Just, my parents…”

“Dude,” Mikey´s gaze softened slightly, “You have to build your own opinion. Fuck your parents...of course not literally. They´re wrong!”, he laid his hand on Ray´s as if he wanted to comfort him, “You realize that, right?”

Ray stayed silent a long time after that, looking down on the table where Mikey´s pale, slim hand rested warmly on his own. He swallowed hard and then nodded his head ever so slightly.

Mikey let out a breath he didn´t know he was holding and squeezed Ray´s hand in confirmation before retreating his hand.

Immediately, Ray´s hand felt cold, like it had been dipped into his milkshake.

“So,” he coughed nervously, trying to change the topic, “There will be some chess tournaments for beginners soon, that you could take part in.”

“You think I´m good enough?”, the younger student quirked his left eyebrow, taking a sip from his drink.

“If you´d like we could play together,” Ray suggested, “Outside of the club meetings, too, I mean.”

Mikey looked at him in surprise, but then the corners of his mouth lifted the fraction of an inch.

“Sure. I don´t see why not.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> today I bring you another chapter, tomorrow who knows? Sorry for the long wait I had school again so I couldn't use my 12am brain powers because I was asleep zzzz
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's more of a filler and a buildup for the next one!
> 
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

“So you see how my queen is totally unprotected over here?”, Ray pointed to his chess pieces.

“Yeah,” Mikey´s eyebrows where drawn together in concentration, “That´s what I was going for. Now my knight can just attack her, right?”, he moved the piece in question over the board.

“Awesome!”, Ray cheered and gave Mikey a small pet on the back. For the last few days, Mikey had noticed Ray becoming increasingly more comfortable around him, often initiating physical contact.

Mikey didn´t have a problem with that, considering that Frank was also very much about the human touch, but Frank had never been that wary about Mikey like Ray had in the beginning, when Mikey was just merely a club member among many others.

“So uhm,” Mikey looked up when Ray began to speak again, “The tournament is next weekend, the 26th if I´m not mistaken, in Poughkeepsie, so...if you wanted to you could ride with me, Mamá said I could use her car,” he scratched his head, “It might be fun, kinda like a road trip, you know? We could stop for McDonald´s on the way and listen to music…”

“That sounds like fun, not having to ride with Gee,” Mikey huffed, “I swear, a blind person with a stiff neck could park better than him.”

“Yeah…,” Ray laughed nervously. “So I´ll pick you up at five?”

*

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”, Ray hit the steering wheel of the family´s mini van with both fists. 

Why did he think he could impress Mikey in any way? 

Upon hearing him complain about Gerard´s bad parking, Ray had decided to boost his skills in this particular field of motorized transportation before they were set to leave on Saturday morning, but his efforts were apparently not rewarded with success, which was why he was throwing a tantrum in the empty 7-11 parking lot.

This was pathetic and he was too.

Ray sighed. If God wanted him and Mikey to be together this wouldn´t be so hard. But if God didn´t want Ray to at least try, why did he make him fall in love with Mikey? His mom had always told him that God brought people together through love, so why did he decide to make Ray so miserable? Mikey had said that being gay was okay and he wanted to believe it so badly. But he didn´t and he knew that he wouldn´t until he could look at himself in the mirror without resentment over his alleged abnormality burning viciously in every fibre of his body.

Ray knew that he was talking himself into yet another panic attack, but he didn´t know how to stop the overwhelming ache in his chest, so he just sat there, slumped over the steering wheel, gasping for air.

He spent at least another forty minutes parked crookedly between the white lines on the asphalt before he deemed himself fit enough to drive.

*

Back home, he was ready to go directly up to his room, figuring that sleep was the only thing that could stop his racing thoughts. In the last few weeks he had maybe used this technique too much, so much that it had started to become obvious, apparently.

“Raymond, I want to talk to you,” his mother just about materialized out of thin air in front of him, ushering him to the kitchen. “Great,” he thought, nervously, “Right in the lion´s territory.” 

“What´s been going on with you lately,” she asked, setting two cups of tea in front of them, “You used to be so engaged, now I hardly even see you anymore, your grades have dropped and you sleep all the time!”

“I´m sorry, Mamá,” he whispered into his cup, “I´m trying to be good.”

“I just want you to be happy, nene. You were so cheerful when you were younger. What happened?”, she reached across the table and tucked a curl of his hair behind his ear, but stubborn as it was, another part of his hair fell out in the process.

Ray looked up into her face, concern clearly visible in all of her features and for a moment, for a blissful moment, he thought about telling her everything. Just coming clean, finally being able to breathe freely in his own home again, not feeling like an impostor, an intruder on his family´s happiness.

But then again, what if she didn´t? What if it really wasn´t about him being happy for real, but about him being happy in a way she deemed fit. Maybe he needed vitamins or this was all a big plot to beg for money for a new guitar, who knew? 

Ray sighed and let his head fall again.

“I´m sorry, Mamá,” he echoed, “I´m trying to be good.”

*

“Ray´s here!”, Mikey yelled down the basement at 5 am, snickering wickedly, “Come say goodbye to your dear brother!”

He heard a loud grown downstairs before Gerard slumped up the stairs, dragging his blanket behind him.

“Goodbye,” he said coldly, before turning around, mumbling curses under his breath.

Mikey shook his head amused, before swinging his backpack across his back. He opened the door at the same time as Ray had raised his fist to knock on the wood. 

“Hey, dude,” he stepped out of the house, closing the door behind him, “I got about a gallon of Mountain Dew, 5 CDs and 20$, it´s time to get on the fucking road,” he pumped his fist in the air before darting past Ray to his mother´s car.

“Man, I love road trips!”

Ray couldn´t help but smile in solidarity, all worries forgotten about the joy of experiencing a rare, excited Mikey.

“Yeah, me too!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I´m back,
> 
> so here's the new chapter it´s a whole lot of fluff and really sappy, sigh.  
> Maybe someone might be in love?  
> Who knows...
> 
> xo Gilwhohatespeople

Ray couldn´t stop himself from looking over at Mikey constantly, who kept singing along in a raspy voice to the CDs he had brought along with him.

He had his head thrown back against the headrest, his knees pulled up wedged between his torso and the dashboard while they were flying down the highway up north. Ray could see the sun rise above the city´s skyline, orange chasing away the dark blue of the night, the perfect background for Mikey´s silhouette.

It was a wonder really that they didn´t crash into the concrete blocks separating the two highway lanes, but when Mikey turned his head to look at him, Ray was forced to look at the traffic ahead of him, a blush creeping up his neck. Had Mikey noticed him staring?

They were silent for a long time, Mikey had stopped singing, Ray griping the steering wheel tightly, refusing to risk another look at Mikey who was now staring at him in return.

“I like your hair, you know?”

Ray was pretty sure he had damaged his spine irreversibly with the speed at which he turned his head around to where Mikey was smiling at him tiredly, the caffeine apparently wearing off already and the tiredness of the early morning catching up with him, slowly.

“You do?”, he decided to play it cool. After all, people made each other silly compliments all the time to fill awkward silences.

“Yeah,” Mikey turned his face to the window looking outside where the city was slowly waking up to the light of the rising sun, “It´s kinda like a halo, ´s nice.”

Again they fell silent after that. Mikey waiting for him to answer, to unfreeze his tongue, to be...bold.

“I like Milkshake.”

Mikey chuckled against the window, his breath leaving behind a misty circle on the glass.

“You´re a weird one, Toro.”

“No,” Ray winced, “I mean, there´s a McDonald´s over there. Wanna get some Milkshakes?”

Damn he was a coward.

*

Mikey held his chocolate shake securely between his thighs while Ray was driving. After they had passed New York they were set to only take 2 hours until they reached their final destination. So when he had finished his cold, sugary beverage, Mikey decided to take a small nap. It was a luxury really, getting to sleep in a car. When driving with Gerard, he always had to be entertaining because “that was a passenger´s only task” and with his mother´s road rage there was no way to even close his eyes for five minutes.

But with Ray, he felt safe and they sat in comfortable silence throughout the whole drive. Well almost, until he decided to open his big giant mouth.

Mikey had noticed Ray staring at him, he had for some time now actually. Against all odds though, he didn´t feel his skin crawl under Ray´s gaze, no, he actually enjoyed it. Which was why he had turned to look at him as well, his side profile against the dark sky in the west, the sun illuminating his face and curls in an almost ethereal way.

He had to say something, Ray had to know how unreal this all felt to Mikey right now, how his face was tingling and his hands became shaky all of the sudden.

So when an overworked minimum-wage worker handed him the cold plastic cup he had held onto it tightly, hoping to stop his body from acting out in the way it did.

Sleep came surprisingly easy for him after that.

*

Ray turned down the volume on the CD when he noticed Mikey napping in his seat, his forehead pressed against the window, glasses askew on his nose.

He looked peaceful, so different from the time Ray had seen him at home for the first time. Back then he had never dared to even dream of being in such close proximity to Mikey Way for such a long time.

Back then he had never thought that they would become friends. 

But they were, it was undeniable and if they´d managed to become friends, maybe just maybe they could become something more?

For the first time ever Ray felt something besides panic erupting in his chest. Hope. For the first time since he knew what it meant to be gay and discovering that he was, in fact, exactly the same way like the people his parents avoided, the people they called an abomination, Ray felt hopeful.

Mikey liked him now...sort of. He liked his hair, he´d said. And he had agreed to go on this trip with him. Ray looked over at Mikey wearily, who´s mouth was now opened a bit emitting a bit of a snoring sound.

Could he somehow just scrape together the courage to make the first step?

*

It was exactly 7.30 am when they drove through the gates of the Poughkeepsie high school, where this weekend´s chess tournament would be held. 

Mikey woke up with a grunt when the motor stuttered and stopped. 

“Dude, we´re here,” Ray laid a warm hand onto his shoulder.

“Oh,” Mikey shook his head, still slightly confused from just having woken up, “Yeah, yeah good.”

He opened the door and tried to get up from his seat, forgetting about his seatbelt that was still secured around his waist. 

“Shit,” he said when he was pulled back onto the seat roughly.

“Let me help you,” Ray reached over to unlock Mikey´s seatbelt, his hand brushing Mikey´s hip ever so slightly. Still, it sent a tingle through the blond´s body, who promptly jumped out of the car when he was finally freed.

Ray, still leaning over the passenger seat, looked up at Mikey in confusion, but when he avoided his gaze, he sighed ever so slightly and started to get out of the vehicle himself.

“Let´s go in, shall we?”

Mikey finally dared to look him into the eyes again but felt himself instantly overwhelmed with the intensity of the rich brown color. Gerard´s eyes were mostly just dull and void of any emotion, unless he was doing anything artistic or singing. Or, as Mikey had noticed, when he was around Frank. Then his eyes began to sparkle with life and it made Mikey so happy to see his brother, his real brother, underneath all this hurt.

Ray´s eyes were hard to read but Mikey wanted to know. He wanted to know how they looked when he was happy, sad, tired, he wanted to study them, see what made them so hard to read.

And this desire of his scared him. It scared him but at the same time the fear didn´t make him want it any less. If anything it made his wish seem so much bigger, more important.

“Yeah,” he nodded and the spell was broken.

Ray smiled and held open the door to the gym like he had already done at the arcade.

Still deep in thought, Mikey stepped inside.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my sweethearts, 
> 
> I´m back, hallelujah. I bring to you another chapter, it is completely unedited because I´m tired but wanted to upload this now so maybe changes will be made later, et me know if there are any obvious and huge plotholes.
> 
> Nothing makes me sadder than my head  
> xoxo Girlwhohatespeople

“Wow, I didn´t think there would actually be people watching,” Mikey whispered into Ray´s ear when the two of them had arrived inside the spacious gym of Poughkeepsie high school. 

“Yeah,” Ray whispered back, “some parents are really supportive,” he chuckled.

“So this is where unfulfilled dreams get projected on kids, huh,” Mikey asked dryly.

Ray laughed in that totally stupid way he did, always making Mikey chime right in with him.

“Yeah, I s´ppose this is the place.” 

“So what are we gonna do now?”, Mikey turned around a bit so he was facing Ray straight on, who promptly started fidgeting with his hair.

“The competitors usually wait in the locker room for there turn, come on let´s see if we can find it,” Mikey almost grabbed Ray´s arm like he usually did with Gerard in crowded places but the second before his fingertips graced the fabric of Ray´s zip-up hoodie he pulled back his hand.

What the hell was going on with him?

*

Inside the boy´s locker room it smelt like sweat and the special kind of mold that only grew on sandwiches that were left in school bags over the course of a whole summer. 

Weirdly, no one was there who could be seen as the cause of this revolting odor. 

“Huh,” Mikey said next to him, “Where´s everybody?”

“If only I knew,” Ray scratched his eyebrow, “But that´s cool, we can just hang out in here until it´s your turn.”

Mikey let himself fall down on one of the wooden benches next to where the wall opened up into the tiled showers. He then started to dig through his backpack (didn´t he leave that in the car?) until he found, to Ray´s confusion, what looked like a pen.

“Ha!”, he exclaimed proudly and held up the pencil like some sort of trophy. 

“What´s that?”, Ray stepped closer to examine Mikey´s pen.

“Eyeliner. I didn´t wanna put any on this morning, it would´ve smudged in the car anyway,” he turned his head around to look for a mirror.

“But...why?” Ray really was at a loss here. Of course he had noticed that Mikey and occasionally Gerard and Frank wore some sort of black eye make-up in school, but it seemed lie his brain had never really made the connection between ´hot guy looking mysterious and artistically troubled´ and ´carries actual make-up around´. Now, of course, this lack of logic came back to bite his ass.

“I like the way it looks,” Mikey said, looking at like like he dared him to say another word, “Got a problem with that?”

“No,” Ray rushed to say. Great, now he had angered Mikey. Why was it that everything he did, he fucked up? He had to fix this right away...

“I like the way it looks on you, too,” he said softly, “I mean, I always like the way you look but this is just…,” he swallowed around the clump that started to form in his throat, “...rad.” The last word came out as more of a strangled whisper.

Mikey turned around from where he had been standing in front of a mirror to face Ray who was once again hiding behind his hair.

“You do?”, he asked incredulous. 

Ray had no idea where he had taken the courage from just seconds ago, so all he could do to answer was just nod his head.

“Come here,” Mikey said softly, “I wanna put some on you.”

He beckoned Ray over with a wave of his hand.

So when he stood in front of him, so close that he could see dried water spots on Mikey´s glasses, Ray thought he might just faint. 

Mikey cleared his throat and moved a few strands of Ray´s soft, curly hair out of the way, before he gently placed the side of his hand on his cheek, angling the eyeliner pencil against his eye.

Ray held his breath, feeling increasingly lightheaded. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined being so close to Mikey in reality. But here he was, just mere minutes after arriving in Poughkeepsie, feeling Mikey´s breath ghost over his face.

*

It wasn´t that Mikey had never seen guys in eyeliner before, Pete had worn at least day-old smudge around his eyes at all times, but seeing Ray look so...pretty, did things to him. The contrast between his masculine face, soft lips and smoky eyes was so entrancing that Mikey´s brain just about. Stopped. 

He didn´t realize until his lips were just centimeters away from Ray´s who´s eyes were widened in shock, that he had feelings for the curly haired boy. Fuck, he´d had them for quite some time now, at least since seeing him pour his entire being into playing the guitar. Maybe even before that, it was hard to pinpoint. This was just about the essence of Mikey Way: being so oblivious about his emotions until he would have had to ignore his own body to keep his mind blissfully uninformed. This realization was ultimately what made him take the next step.

Closing the small distance between them, Mikey pressed his lips onto Ray´s soft, plush ones.

*

Time stopped, continents collided, fucking planets evolved whole ecosystems during the time their kiss lasted.

Or so it felt for Ray. But the second reality caught up with him, Mikey had already pulled away from him, staring up at Ray with a slightly parted mouth, his glasses pressed up his nose.

Ray felt his whole body blush furiously, his chest tightening again as he began to understand the magnitude of the event that had just occurred.

Mikey had kissed him.

But now Mikey stepped away even further, he was leaving. He had to do something, hold him back scream at him to stay, but he was paralyzed in shock.

Mikey stopped in front of the door, throwing him one last, apologetic glance, before he bolted into the general direction of the gym.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm hi? 
> 
> Joke´s on you guys I'm not dead (yet). There was a lot going on so I had no time to write shitty chapters.  
> Anyway, take this piece of shit I really hate it but who cares.  
> Also I´m gonna start singing off with lyrics like I did last chapter. Kisses to Alice who is the co-owner of my life.
> 
> But this time, I mean it. I'll let you know just how much you mean to me  
> xo Girlwhohatespeople

He had to get away, so Mikey ran. 

It wasn´t just that he had just kissed Ray of all people, no, he had also let himself go enough to develop feelings – fucking feelings – for the guy. 

Finding himself on the brink of a panic attack, Mikey pushed open the doors to the empty high school building. He had no idea where to go from now. Ray had seemed so shocked, there wasn´t even the possibility of something being between them. He wasn´t sad about it. He just wished things were different. That seemed to apply to many parts of Mikey´s life at the moment.

His feet seemed to carry him to the only place that could bring him any peace at all: the art classroom. The first whiff of dried paint washed over him and with it a wave of calmness, the smell that reminded him most of his brother bouncing through his brain, silencing his earlier turmoil. 

With a sigh, Mikey sank down on one of the stools in the back of the class. FCK SCHOOL was scratched into the wooden tabletop in front of him. A smirk crept onto his face as he traced the ragged lined with his finger. That´s why Mikey´s school had plastic tables. But Mikey liked these ones better, they had character. They showed the generations of students that had sat at them, slept with their head on their dirty wood and the ones that had spilt paint on them. 

Maybe this was why Frank wanted to get a tattoo so badly, he wondered, still tracing lines, now a heart. Maybe, he wanted to keep his life edged into his skin, like this table at Poughkeepsie high, so that people could touch them and wonder what they meant. Gerard was scared of needles and other sharp objects but if he weren´t, Mikey was sure he would have his history laid out on his skin as well. Probably not in the same way Frank wanted to, though.

He should call him. He should really call his brother and ask him to get him home. So that they could wrap up in those weird plastic fibre blankets that gave you an electric shock, no matter what you were wearing underneath them, even when you were naked. They would wrap up in those and lay in Gerard´s bed in the basement and he would tell Mikey stories about super heroes. 

But Gerard was probably out with Frank. And Mikey was here. With Ray. 

He wished he could think of a scenario that involved Ray and those blankets, the pictures came easily to his mind. But then he thought of the way Ray had looked at him. He hadn´t followed him, hadn´t even said a word to make him stay. 

Ray didn´t want him. 

That thought hurt like a bitch.

*

Ray didn´t really want to go after Mikey. But he somehow felt almost compelled to walk through the empty classrooms looking for him.

Seriously, when did his life become a chick flick?

He opened door after door until finally...”Hey,” someone said from the far corner of the room. Ray swallowed thickly around the lump that had formed in his throat. “Hey.”

He took a few steps over to where Mikey was sitting but then stopped. “Listen…,” he started but the other boy didn´t let him finish.

“Don´t apologize. I shouldn´t have –” 

“No!” he said firmly. Surprised, Mikey drew up his eyebrows. “I kinda wanted you to,” he covered his eyes with his hands.

“Then why did you pull back?” Mikey had shuffled to the edge of his seat.

“Fuck, Mikey I can´t do this you know? I can´t ever be with a dude,” Ray cried out in distress backing away from Mikey.

“But...why?” He reached out for Ray with one hand but without actually touching him.

That was when Ray started full on sobbing. He didn´t want to, of course, not in front of his crush but the pressure in his chest was building up to be too much, to suffocate him. Mikey quickly stood up, almost forcing Ray into an embrace. 

“It´s gonna be okay, trust me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER I JUST WANTED TO SAY SOME THINGS IT WILL BE DELETED WHEN I CONTINUE THE STORY

Uh so hi you guys. Just wanted to update you on the fact that there will be probably no new chapters in the near future. I still feel like I owe y´all an apology. Because I'm going through a rough patch romantically myself right now (honestly I make it sound more dramatic than it is, I've honestly just been rejected) I can't find the inspiration for a love story. Also, I have to prepare for my final exams that'll take place in spring. I am deeply thankful for every comment and kudos I received and I will leave you with this promise: as soon as I feel something else than bitterness and sadness at the prospect of love I will continue this little story of mine. Until then, farewell my friends!

xoxo Girlwhohatespeople


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